Jesus statue held hostage over Dachshund poop

Many thanks to the reader who tipped us off to this amazing story of a Michigan woman accused of failing to pick her four dachshunds’ poop. The Jesus statue on her front lawn disappeared and she receved the following ransom note:

We are holding Jesus ransom until you clean up the poopie from your wieners and trust us we see you take your wieners for long walks w/out picking up their poopie in our yards. This has upset us dearly so please clean up all the weiner poopie, if you want to see Jesus unharmed. Sincerely, Lindy Lane Residents.

WZZM in Grand Rapids is aking viewers if they think stealing the Jesus statue an appropriate response to alleged dog leavings? At the Daily Dachshund and Dog News, we prefer to ask: “What would Jesus do if a dog pooped on his lawn?”
Update: Jesus was returned, but that’s our only spoiler. You’ll have to read the entire article to find out who did it. Here’s some video footage from before the Jesus statue was resurrected: